R*N Report 893 – A fishy story

It was the promise of pre-ordered FISH n’chips that lured 4 Oslo Hashers to join Riviera run 893. On our arrival, a SHOAL of 25-30 Hashers were FLOUNDERing around at the CARPark at the end of the bloody big bridge.

Some were admiring their MULLET haircuts whilst others were PERCHed on seats admiring the sun RAYS over Lac St Cassien.  As far as we could see, there was an English PILCHARD, a few CHUBBs but no FINs. There was a bit of a nip in the air but not enough to dampen the SOLEs of the disciples who gathered round like SARDINES in a barrel to keep warm. Most of the dogs behaved well but the grey bugger with the evil eyes was a bit of a SNAPPER.

The Snapper, thats the dawg, not Likkmm

Hare of the day, Perpetual Motion did the obligatory chalk-talk and did a recount for the pre-ordered COD and chips which turned out to be 25 instead of the expected 18 (more about this later).

And we were off. For the first fifty meters everything went fine, then confusion as we hesitated to cross the afore-mentioned bloody big bridge caused by an ambiguous sign (at least for those not parleying bon Français) indicating no pedestrians but by the time we got to the other end somebody had translated the clarification “Durant les Écopages”

Leaving the tarmac, we SCALEd a bloody big hill which FILETed off the runners from the walkers. The trail led us over waves of forested terrain to sun RAYed peaks and troughs of frozen valleys where we could have DABbed our feet in the iced over puddles or SKATEd across them.

After 9 kilometers the drink stop was in sight – BRILL. Closing in, the pace picked up and cries of WAHU were heard as we reached the PLAICE. The boot of Perpetual Motion’s car, resembled a BAR as drinks and snack were distributed to the assembled GROUPERs. PILCHARD used the opportunity of new faces to re-tell his otherwise worn out joke repertoire. While he did raise a chuckle or two, most of us thought it was a load of POLLOCKs.

My kind’a town?

After the drink stop, the runners were lured into returning from whence they had cum and FISH FINGERED out in all directions. PILCHARD was seen following Pre-stressed re-tracing the runners trail, the wiser of us thought “EEL be sorry” – turns out, we were right.

Back in the CARPark, the circle was dEELayed for the arrival of Pre-stressed and PILCHARD who managed to clock up 18k on a 13k trail and came back looking like PORTUGESE MEN OF WAR. Down-down songs were sung to various TUNAs and some sang with BASS voices. All in all, a lovely run in a nice area with some great views.

Then there was the cock-up with the restaurant. Apparently, a friendly phone call to announce that we were 25 instead of 18 didn’t go down well resulting in a pissed off owner who promptly shut down the place. Perpetual’s efforts of a personal visit yielded nothing but more nails in the shutters and all forms of reconciliation were abandoned. 

Plan B involved a rapid refund by Levrette of the recently paid meal fee and off to Asian fast food “Old Siam”. Ignoring Pre-stressed’s advice that the food there was like “shit on toast”, many of us ate a FISH-free meal only to be distracted by Likk’mm’s new shoes which had somehow gone unnoticed in the circle despite them being size 49. “Circle up” – out into the restaurant CARPark and we had the staff wondering if they really were serving shit on toast when customers must rush out to drink beer from oversized footwear.


The Vicar


Hare: Perpetual Motion

The idiots that delayed the circle for running 5k more than necessary:

Pre-stressed and PILCHARD

Virgins: 3-4 virgins

Visitors: Spermbank and Erector from Oslo H3 and Likk’mm representing the rest of the world

Returners: The Vicar and Flying Chicken 

Shit of the week: Perpetual Motion for arranging a pre-ordered FISH n’chips meal at New Leaf restaurant which subsequently refused to have anything to do with us.

Assistant shit of the week: The Vicar for apparently mentioning fish too much – load of CODs wallop say I

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Riviera HAsh House harriers - red dress run

Legal Waiver

I know that running is a potentially hazardous activity. I should not enter and run unless I am medically able. I agree to abide by any decision of an official relative to my ability to safely complete the run.

I hereby certify that I am in good health and I assume all risks associated with running/walking in this event including, but not limited to: falls, contact with other participants, the effects of weather, including high heat and/or humidity, traffic and the conditions of the road, all such risks being known and appreciated by me.

Having read this waiver and knowing these facts and in consideration of your accepting my entry into this event, I, for myself and anyone entitled to act on my behalf, waive and release the Riviera Hash House Harriers, its officers,  agents and volunteers, all states, cities, counties, trict Commission or other governmental bodies or locations in which events or segments of events are held, all sponsors, their representatives and successors, from all claims or liabilities of any kind arising out of my participation in this event even though that liability may arise out of negligence or carelessness on the part of the persons named in this waiver.

I grant permission to all of the foregoing to use any photographs, motion pictures, recordings, or any other record of this event for any legitimate purpose. I understand that bicycles, skateboards, roller skates and/or inline skates are not allowed in the event and I will abide by this policy. I also understand that baby joggers are discouraged for the safety of all participants. I am aware that the Foundation strongly discourages the use of personal audio devices (iPods and MP3 headsets).

Renonciation Juridique

Je sais que la course à pied est une activité potentiellement dangereuse. Je ne devrais pas entrer et courir à moins d’être médicalement capable. Je m’engage à respecter toute décision d’un officiel relative à ma capacité à terminer la course en toute sécurité.

Je certifie par la présente que je suis en bonne santé et j’assume tous les risques associés à la course / marche dans cet événement, y compris, mais sans s’y limiter: les chutes, le contact avec les autres participants, les effets des conditions météorologiques, y compris la chaleur et / ou l’humidité élevées, la circulation et les conditions de la route, tous ces risques étant connus et appréciés par moi.

Ayant lu cette renonciation et connaissant ces faits et compte tenu de votre acceptation de mon entrée dans cet événement, moi-même et toute personne autorisée à agir en mon nom, renonce et libère le Riviera Hash House Harriers, ses officiers, agents et bénévoles, tous États, villes, comtés, Commission trict ou autres organismes gouvernementaux ou lieux dans lesquels des événements ou des segments d’événements sont organisés, tous les sponsors, leurs représentants et successeurs, de toutes réclamations ou responsabilités de toute nature découlant de ma participation à cet événement même si cette responsabilité peut découler d’une négligence ou d’une négligence de la part des personnes nommées dans la présente renonciation.

J’autorise tout ce qui précède à utiliser des photographies, des films, des enregistrements ou tout autre enregistrement de cet événement à des fins légitimes. Je comprends que les vélos, les planches à roulettes, les patins à roulettes et / ou les patins à roues alignées ne sont pas autorisés pendant l’événement et je respecterai cette politique. Je comprends également que les joggeurs pour bébés sont découragés pour la sécurité de tous les participants. Je suis conscient que la Fondation décourage fortement l’utilisation d’appareils audio personnels (iPods et casques MP3).