R*N Report 897 – Buns and Tightwad

Tight Wad and Buns build up an appetite for their OnOn

Last time I wrote a run report, Sadist had also decided to knock one off, meaning that you lucky readers were able to get 2 for the price of 1. Well, you got Sadist’s fine oeuvre and also my drivel as the special “bargain basement post-Christmas” one thrown in, a bit like those C list celebrity autobiographies at that time of year. I have no idea if we will repeat the feat this time, but here’shoping for a more representative version of the truth than what is about to follow.

Since last trying to send you to sleep with his drivel, your scribe has had two hash experiences that should have served as a warning to what was to come today. The first, outside Durban, saw your scribe slavishly follow the directions on Google Maps – to a highway exit – after which point he got hopelessly lost. The Maps then drove him on a picturesque trip through a black township and then told him to drive back the way he came. Whether a genuine mistake or not, I’m going to rememberthe feeling of intimidation during those long 20 minutes more than running the hash alone just as everyone else was finishing it. Second experience was the far better organised Cape Town hash (yep, I was the first hasher to get there) and with spectacular views. However, in both cases, the hash was no longer than 5km long.

A hole has been discovered in the nudist camp fence.
Alpes Maritimes Police have confirmed that they are looking into it.

So, after all the convolution, where is the link to Buns and TightWad? Easy, the What3Words directions were perfect and TightWad also proudly announced that the run would be 11.5km without falsies and even offered to show the route before we started. Had I looked at this marathon, I would have slunk back to bed. Or been like Finnish Fly, who made a fanfare of asking us to mark the start of the trail only to decide to stay in bed. Due to pollen? With whom? Who knows?

Riviera HHH Lost in France
Lost in France?

Nevertheless, we were blessed with a good turnout of walkers and runners (well, Wet Patch and a bunch of pretend runners). The weather blessed us equally, with blue skies and high teens (Centigrade, not Fahrenheit), so everyone was raring to set off on what we all anticipated would be a short and flat run in the hills near to Grasse.

To be fair, the run did start at a decent pace, though Jobsworth and Supermarket Trolley decided that it would be going uphill, rather than flat. But they were deceived, as it soon went uphill in the other direction. Padre soon got his excuses in for not being able to catch up with Wet Patch, being that he has been so ill since the start of the year that he can’t even drink beer. Procul and Supermarket Trolley also got their excuses in by using the annual birthday excuse. Another year older, a tiny bit slower. Especially uphill. Even Lonely was less fast than normal, though in his case, he claimed a desire to catch up on gossip for remaining with the pack. This left the real athletes such as Levrette, Prestressed and Jobsworth to show the way by yabbering on whilst “running”.

An ice cream van just crashed down our street.

The whole area is coned off.

Our hare TightWad was doing a marvellous job. We soon realised that this run would not be as flat as hoped and he kindly led us down roads, along a bit of flat and then down ravines. However, he very courteously marked out many checks after the satisfaction of seeing FRBs choose the wrong ones. All to assist Finnish Fly (not) to catch up, of course.

Talking of missing runners, here are some of our part time hashers enjoying themselves this weekend – in Barcelona. Apparently, they all met up there by coincidence.

Coincidence, their ménage à trois?

Meanwhile, on the real hash, we were running past the big houses and Padre was in his element,having once been a many of many means. He happily pointed out Andrew Neil’s palace, before digressing onto how he enjoyed watching Diane Abbott whenever Mr Neil invites her on his TV show. This is not because Padre is of a leftish remoaner persuasion, but because he cannot get the image of Diane Abbott and Jeremy Corbyn making horizontal sport together.

Love on the left

Unfortunately, political digressions over, we noticed that the first half had lasted for over 8km and that the start point was up in the clouds. Time for the real athletes to excel by running and chatting whilst going up a steep hill. Levrette excelled in this skill, largely thanks to needing a beer after her exertions.

We thankfully made the beer stop whilst it was still light, to find that the walkers had been there a while enjoying the delights of the RHHH refreshments centre. Respite was relatively short for the runners as we were soon off again on the second half. Fortunately, this was a far less vertical 2km and took in some spectacular views of the Riviera on this wonderful early spring day.

And all too soon, it was back to where we had started for a few pre OnOn down downs.

The Circle required a few people to drink a beer or two. Court notes recount the following: Hares – Buns and TightWad. Thank you for a wonderful long and vertical run.
Padre for short cutting (or more likely thinking that he knew a short cut).
Visitors – Wet & Ready and Biggles

Returners – Gorgeous Edna, Lonely, Wet Patch, Karen & Jobsworth.
Getting older – Supermarket Trolley and Procul.
Special thanks to Maneater and Suckon for the incredibly tasty Vegemite and Cheddar biscuits all the way from Noosa.

Down Down to surrogate convict Prestressed.


Procul for telling Levrette that he has big ones and then arranging to prove it to her after the OnOn. TightWad for being too easy going as a hare…it should have been 20km with 800m of climb!
Proof of Valentines awarded to Wet Patch (and her mystery beard) and Levrette for her flowers to No Nuts.


Levrette was presented with her 50 run mug by Sadist.

What a mug!

Procul got another down down for turning up early to two hashes in a row.
A special mention to PHD for looking for advice on a Riviera group on how to get rid of an “old English banger”. Most advice was “burn it”, though this seemed very harsh on Padre.


Finally, Sh*t of the Week went to Gorgeous Edna for falsely accusing the beer meister of not organising Gin & Tonic.

And so it was On On to the hares’ home for well deserved food and entertainment. Many thanks to them for organising a wonderful day out.

I hope Elon Musk never gets into a scandal, can you imagine how long ElonGate would go on for.

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Riviera HAsh House harriers - BOOZY LUCY

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Before continuing, YOU MUST AGREE TO THE FOLLOWING:

 

“I am registering to participate in a hash event hosted by the Riviera Hash House Harriers. Activities associated with this event involve drinking alcoholic beverages, running, walking, climbing stairs and uneven surfaces, and prolonged enjoyment and festivities, which can at times involve substantial risk of injury, property damage, and other dangers associated with participation in the event. Dangers peculiar to such activities include, but are not limited to: hypothermia, drowning, broken bones, unwanted stains, strains, sprains, bruises, fecal trauma, concussion, feelings hurt, actual hurt, heart attack, cuts, abrasions, burns, electrical shock, disgust, poisoning, losing your sex partner, mopery, and blunt trauma. Inebriated participants also run the risk of incarceration, public shaming, tattooage, various forms of sexually-transmitted diseases, and unwanted pregnancy.”

 

The Riviera HHH reserves the right to refuse anyone from attending this event before and during the event for any reason. Actions that may result in being asked to leave the event include but are not limited to fraud, theft, fighting, sexual assault, causing damage to property, other illegal activities which affect others, or unwanted arseholery.

 

By accepting the Tc & Cs you agree this constitutes a legal signature and agree to all the statements on this page and the following statement:

 

”I have carefully read this RELEASE AND INDEMNITY AGREEMENT. By registering I waive all rights for legal and/or civil action against all person(s) participating in or organizing this event.  I hereby forfeit all rights to sue anyone associated with or connected to the participants in this event. I further attest that I am of legal drinking age and will consume no more alcoholic beverages than I can handle and will stop myself when I have consumed my personal limit. I am responsible if I break any laws or hurt anyone due to my behavior.”

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Avant de continuer, VOUS DEVEZ ACCEPTER CE QUI SUIT :

“Je m’inscris pour participer à un événement de hachage organisé par les Riviera Hash House Harriers. Les activités associées à cet événement impliquent la consommation de boissons alcoolisées, la course, la marche, la montée d’escaliers et de surfaces inégales, ainsi qu’un plaisir et des festivités prolongés, qui peuvent parfois comporter des risques substantiels de blessures, de dommages matériels et d’autres dangers liés à la participation à l’événement. Les dangers propres à de telles activités comprennent, sans s’y limiter : l’hypothermie, la noyade, les os brisés, les taches indésirables, les foulures, les entorses, les contusions, les traumatismes fécaux, les commotions cérébrales, les blessures ressenties, les blessures réelles, les crises cardiaques, les coupures, les abrasions, les brûlures, les chocs électriques, le dégoût, l’empoisonnement, la perte du partenaire sexuel, la vadrouille et les traumatismes contondants. Les participants en état d’ébriété courent également le risque d’être incarcérés, de subir une honte publique, d’être tatoués, de contracter diverses formes de maladies sexuellement transmissibles et de subir une grossesse non désirée.”

Le Riviera HHH se réserve le droit de refuser à quiconque de participer à cet événement avant et pendant l’événement pour quelque raison que ce soit. Les actions qui peuvent entraîner une demande de quitter l’événement comprennent, sans s’y limiter, la fraude, le vol, les bagarres, les agressions sexuelles, les dommages matériels, d’autres activités illégales qui affectent les autres, ou le léchage de cul non désiré.

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“J’ai lu attentivement cet ACCORD DE DÉCHARGE ET D’INDEMNITÉ. En m’inscrivant, je renonce à tout droit d’action juridique et/ou civile contre toute(s) personne(s) participant à ou organisant cet événement. Par la présente, je renonce à tout droit de poursuite contre toute personne associée ou liée aux participants à cet événement. J’atteste également que j’ai l’âge légal pour boire et que je ne consommerai pas plus de boissons alcoolisées que je ne peux en supporter et que je m’arrêterai lorsque j’aurai consommé ma limite personnelle. Je suis responsable si j’enfreins des lois ou si je blesse quelqu’un en raison de mon comportement.”